Tuesday, January 10, 2017

2008 Recap

Yes, I realize the last time I posted anything was my 2007 Recap, but that should give you an idea about how interesting this one will be if i had nothing to write about all year. And now it's May in 2009.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Got promoted without even trying.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I always make resolutions, and I can usually stick to at least one of them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, there was Sally Marshall born on 12/31
4. Did anyone close to you die?
in 2008 no, but I have been close to three people who were fighting cancer and lost the battle recently.
5. What countries did you visit?
Ecuador!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A relationship of equals with someone who really "gets" me.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 20th, it was the first time in my life I ever called in 'sick' because I just could not take one more day in a row of work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
got a job and got promoted without even trying.
9. What was your biggest failure?
still did not get myself out there enough to find a mr. right.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I never get sick. And I am not lucky enough to get injured.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
a new mattress, tempurpedic, yummy and warm.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every soldier who wakes up and does their job and is always looking out for the person to their left and right. (same as last year)
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The men who maintain the need for battle in Iraq, I mean people that keep attacking our soldiers. (same as last year)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Local brewmasters got a lot of it, and the rest went into stuff I consider clutter this year.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
new job, new people, new friends.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Alcohol
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Much Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? Much thinner
iii. Richer or poorer? A wee bit richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Getting out and being with friends, real friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Drinking

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Richard and Rhonda of course.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope
22. How many one-night stands?
1
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Chuck.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, wasted emotion
25. What was the best book you read?
Lone Survivor
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Brad Paisley, and I rediscovered that I still love country music.
27. What did you want and get?
A job.
28. What did you want and not get?
A man, but honestly I don't think I was really ready until recently.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 37 and I spent the evening with most of my friends at a local brewpub for grub and brews
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Anything to show off the Tattoos.
32. What kept you sane?
I honestly have no idea.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
As always, Matthew McConaghey
35. Who did you miss?
My friends Steve and Laurie who moved 3000 miles away
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Leah and Eric, sorry, can't pick just one.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Kisses aren't contracts.

Crossing Over

As I knew it would, the pain is slipping away. I had a day a couple weeks ago when I was watching a movie and had a spontaneous thought of "I am getting over Mark." I had to put that on the calendar so I could see my progress. Just last week, I was heading to my friends house and got there before I realized I had passed the exit I had taken for the last 6 years with Mark. That was pretty huge.
I still don't think I can move on to someone else, but at least I am no longer pining over the loss of him. Baby steps.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse

Last night, my partner of almost 6 years told me it's over. I am still in denial. I read through the stages of grief and I am stuck in #1 Denial.

All the things I thought I was doing so that he didn't feel like he had a child on his hands that he had to take care of, he saw as me becoming independent of him. I bought my own camera without consulting him, I bought tires without bringing him with me, when he offered me cash to help me out of a bind, I declined, finding my own way out. I'm sorry for being able to take care of myself and not be a burden on you.

I have heard a lot from my friends on this subject and some of it I didn't want to hear. I have heard a few tell me that they figured it was only a matter of time that I would either dump him or the other way around. I guess I was the only one that saw forever here.

The answer that is going to elude me for a long time is what did I get out of this relationship? What intangible do I get to take with me? Besides diminished self esteem, increased self doubt and this non stop sobbing that I can't seem to kick. One of the people in my life keeps telling me this will all be a memory at some point. As much as I am certain that is the truth, I can't see that day yet.

This was my first really long relationship, this was my first attempt at shacking up, this was my first a lot of things. I know that not many firsts end up being lasts. That's just in my own experience. Things like first love, first sex, first skydive, first road trip, first car, first vibrator.

I guess I just saw me being able to be enough of an amazing partner that the effort would be there to work on us with me.

yeup, I am starting to get stuck in the Anger phase of the stages of grief. I will try not to lash out too much.