Tuesday, January 10, 2017

2008 Recap

Yes, I realize the last time I posted anything was my 2007 Recap, but that should give you an idea about how interesting this one will be if i had nothing to write about all year. And now it's May in 2009.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Got promoted without even trying.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I always make resolutions, and I can usually stick to at least one of them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, there was Sally Marshall born on 12/31
4. Did anyone close to you die?
in 2008 no, but I have been close to three people who were fighting cancer and lost the battle recently.
5. What countries did you visit?
Ecuador!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A relationship of equals with someone who really "gets" me.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 20th, it was the first time in my life I ever called in 'sick' because I just could not take one more day in a row of work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
got a job and got promoted without even trying.
9. What was your biggest failure?
still did not get myself out there enough to find a mr. right.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I never get sick. And I am not lucky enough to get injured.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
a new mattress, tempurpedic, yummy and warm.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every soldier who wakes up and does their job and is always looking out for the person to their left and right. (same as last year)
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The men who maintain the need for battle in Iraq, I mean people that keep attacking our soldiers. (same as last year)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Local brewmasters got a lot of it, and the rest went into stuff I consider clutter this year.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
new job, new people, new friends.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Alcohol
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Much Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? Much thinner
iii. Richer or poorer? A wee bit richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Getting out and being with friends, real friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Drinking

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Richard and Rhonda of course.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope
22. How many one-night stands?
1
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Chuck.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, wasted emotion
25. What was the best book you read?
Lone Survivor
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Brad Paisley, and I rediscovered that I still love country music.
27. What did you want and get?
A job.
28. What did you want and not get?
A man, but honestly I don't think I was really ready until recently.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 37 and I spent the evening with most of my friends at a local brewpub for grub and brews
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Anything to show off the Tattoos.
32. What kept you sane?
I honestly have no idea.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
As always, Matthew McConaghey
35. Who did you miss?
My friends Steve and Laurie who moved 3000 miles away
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Leah and Eric, sorry, can't pick just one.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Kisses aren't contracts.

Crossing Over

As I knew it would, the pain is slipping away. I had a day a couple weeks ago when I was watching a movie and had a spontaneous thought of "I am getting over Mark." I had to put that on the calendar so I could see my progress. Just last week, I was heading to my friends house and got there before I realized I had passed the exit I had taken for the last 6 years with Mark. That was pretty huge.
I still don't think I can move on to someone else, but at least I am no longer pining over the loss of him. Baby steps.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse

Last night, my partner of almost 6 years told me it's over. I am still in denial. I read through the stages of grief and I am stuck in #1 Denial.

All the things I thought I was doing so that he didn't feel like he had a child on his hands that he had to take care of, he saw as me becoming independent of him. I bought my own camera without consulting him, I bought tires without bringing him with me, when he offered me cash to help me out of a bind, I declined, finding my own way out. I'm sorry for being able to take care of myself and not be a burden on you.

I have heard a lot from my friends on this subject and some of it I didn't want to hear. I have heard a few tell me that they figured it was only a matter of time that I would either dump him or the other way around. I guess I was the only one that saw forever here.

The answer that is going to elude me for a long time is what did I get out of this relationship? What intangible do I get to take with me? Besides diminished self esteem, increased self doubt and this non stop sobbing that I can't seem to kick. One of the people in my life keeps telling me this will all be a memory at some point. As much as I am certain that is the truth, I can't see that day yet.

This was my first really long relationship, this was my first attempt at shacking up, this was my first a lot of things. I know that not many firsts end up being lasts. That's just in my own experience. Things like first love, first sex, first skydive, first road trip, first car, first vibrator.

I guess I just saw me being able to be enough of an amazing partner that the effort would be there to work on us with me.

yeup, I am starting to get stuck in the Anger phase of the stages of grief. I will try not to lash out too much.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Twila

Twila, the 20yo

She is about to finish her AA at the end of three years of full time school. When did the AA become a 3 year degree?  She is nowhere near ready to be out on her own. I do put a lot of expectation on these girls as I was living on my own making 5 bux an hour working 50 hours a week at a ski resort stuffing butts at age 18. 

She says she wants to be a vet. She icks out when her own cat drools on her. She can't even scoop a single cat box with any regularity, and feeding on a schedule gets acknowledged but not accomplished. My latest peeve that came up tonight was that she did scoop the kitty box and then put the scooped poop into the trashcan outside. What's wrong with that, you ask? 

Well living here in California, there is no alley, so our cans go on the curb one day a week for pick up. That was yesterday. Passive aggressive admission here: I leave the cans on the curb to see how long it takes anyone else to move them back to the side yard. I am usually doing it Thursday night, much like tonight.

So, there I was, bringing in the cans tonight and I smell the tell tale sign of scooped catbox in the can. The same empty can that was left on the street. It would have taken 20 extra seconds to pull this can back to the side yard and do ONE LITTLE THING for the household that provides her food, cable, wifi and asks that she only scoop the catbox once a day which she can barely manage. 

She has a heart the size of Montana. Feels everything with every fiber of her being. Wants so badly to be in love and loves fantasy and vampire fiction like Twilight and Vampire Diaries.  

I have lived with people I have not been related to since I was 18. I know what it takes to be a good roommate, a good contributor to a household and an adult to be sure.  These girls are given a lot of leeway. They are allowed to not do anything, really. I can only request the cat box to be scooped over and over and over.  The fourth over is just too much.

Where were you at 20? What was expected of you? What am I doing wrong already? Besides the obvious?


Did I tell you I have kids?

Probably not. This is a recent development. They are 16, 18, 20, and for the most part, they are good girls who want life, but I think are unprepared to be adults in an adult world. The youngest and the oldest live with us. The middle one who is having a child of her own in a month, lives with mom.

Being a stepmom is probably harder than being a mom in some ways. Even though mom was the one who did the leaving in this situation, she will always be mom. I will always be the woman who makes their dad really really happy, and who they will always view as the one who "just doesn't 'get' them"

I am going to take my time and introduce them as best I can.  Who knew this was going to become a blog about being a stepmom? I always knew I would marry a guy with his own kids, but I wasn't ready.


Monday, September 03, 2012

The Brother's Three

So, this is from Right to left, my brother (the minister who married me to) his best friend John, and his other best friend Kurt.  These three were all like my brother's in high school, it was always fun to hang out with them, even though I was in Junior High at the time. I was so excited that these three were together at the wedding, I had to make sure that they got this photo. I am definitely at a place that I love and appreciate my brother more than words can say. I have been lucky with the family I was dealt. I know I didn't let them know along the way, and probably made them think quite the opposite, but I am very fortunate that I have a supportive family who loves me and really does want every happiness for me. Call your mom, you know you should.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Long time no see...

I know a lot of people who have blogs say those kinds of things when they haven't posted in (hmmuhmmm) 2 years. I have been reading my old posts and never knew how funny I think I am. Ask me, I'll tell ya, I am hilarious!

Since my last post, I have reconnected with a friend from high school, fallen in love, got married by my brother to his best friend. I have moved from the NW to the dead center of the valley in California. I am in school, I am hoping to finally start a job that I can grow into a career til retirement or lottery, whichever comes first. I do plan to write more. I doubt I have any followers, but I never really intended this to be for anyone else but me anyway.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I really hope no one is following

Because I haven't touched this in a long time, obviously. LOL Anyway, no promises. I haven't had a lot of stuff to share, not a lot going on in life. I will try.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

2007, er 2009 Recap ( i haven't posted in awhile and this looked like as good a place as any to start)

stolen from HeatherAnneHogan.com

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I married two very good friends of mine.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I promised I would not buy one single purse, I didn't. I decided to lose weight, I did, 40lbs and have kept it off.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, Aja got married (I married them) and gave birth to Anderson.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, Dewey Hunt, after a long bout with cancer.

5. What countries did you visit?
I did not travel at all in 2009, that has to change.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A real relationship with someone who loves me more than I think I can handle. (exact same answer from 2008, shit.)

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 5th, I took a demotion at work and got a $3/hr raise.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Paid off my student loans. Sold my Mini

9. What was your biggest failure?
Lacking the X factor to finally find a great relationship.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have stayed pretty healthy and have not hurt myself.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Chuck my motorcycle.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every soldier who wakes up and does their job and is always looking out for the person to their left and right. (same as in 2008)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The men who maintain the need for battle in Iraq, I mean people that keep attacking our soldiers. (same as in 2008)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Sallie Mae, Citibank and Navy Federal (motorcycle loan)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My Motorcycle

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
three days grace, Life Starts Now

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier, in general, but still lots of room for happy.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner by 40lbs thanks to Hypnosis
iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer, but much less in debt.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More dating, laughing, loving

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less first dates, less disappointment and cursing about men.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I don't remember so obviously it was a success. sigh.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope

22. How many one-night stands?
5th.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Big Bang, on DVD, don't have TV

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate? No, Disregard? Yes. He knows who he is.

25. What was the best book you read?
Lone Survivor, OMG I think I will read it again.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Three Days Grace, thanks Mike!

27. What did you want and get?
My motorcycle and a new batch of friends.

28. What did you want and not get?
a man to love me at my worst, hold me at my weakest.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Blind Side, favorite film of many years.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 39 and I got to spend it with Lesley who was here dealing with the state. We started in Olympia and as I like to call it the South Sound tour, then got really really stupid drunk. Wow, that never happens.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Long sleeve skin tight shirts to show off new figure and boobs. Hey, they are there whether I show them off or not, so I might as well baffle the little boys, huh?

32. What kept you sane?
the motorcycle.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I had a new crush in 2009, Matt Damon

35. Who did you miss?

Tommy Teach, always have, always will. My aim sucks. ;)

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Claudette Hatcher, bikerdiva

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Men don't want to be chased, they don't want to be asked out, they just want to get laid, plain and simple.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

2007 Recap

stolen from HeatherAnneHogan.com

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Moved to Seattle, survived a devastating breakup.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I try to just do better at life each year, I don't think I did horrible, but I can definitely do better.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, I am now Karynne the Great (or if you want to be official Great Aunt Karynne) My niece had her baby boy, Adam Romero.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
not terribly close, but the skydive community is pretty small and we lost 10 in a plane crash.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada, Whistler BC to be exact. It's where I met my new housemates and newest members of my family.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A real relationship with someone who loves me more than I think I can handle.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 13th, Mark broke up with me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Learned that a broken heart mends.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Quitting Culinary School.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have stayed pretty healthy and have not hurt myself.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A plane ticket to Ecuador and my Earl (Vintage Austin Mini)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every soldier who wakes up and does their job and is always looking out for the person to their left and right.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The men who maintain the need for battle in Iraq, I mean people that keep attacking our soldiers.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Unfortunately to the local brewmasters

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My vintage mini, Earl.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Just for Now, Imogen Heap.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Sadder, but that's going away.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Heavier than I have ever been. sigh.
iii. Richer or poorer? A wee bit richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More healing, more listening

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less talking, less crying

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my best friends even though I tried to hibernate as usual.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope

22. How many one-night stands?
1

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy, Girls Next Door, Chuck.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Unfortunately, I have found a severe dislike to someone who was once a very close friend.

25. What was the best book you read?
Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell it changed my thinking in the best ways.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Imogen Heap, discovered her from the movie Last Kiss

27. What did you want and get?
A new place to call home.

28. What did you want and not get?
To be over my heartache so I could start 2008 happy.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Across the Universe

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 37 and I spent the evening with most of my friends at a local brewpub for grub and brews

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Anything to show off the Tattoos.

32. What kept you sane?
I honestly have no idea.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
As always, Matthew McConaghey

35. Who did you miss?
My friends Steve and Laurie who moved 3000 miles away

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Leah and Eric, sorry, can't pick just one.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Kisses aren't contracts.