Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard /bitch who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you finally got laid and ask who it was.
4. When you are scared, I will tease you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words so you understand.
7. When you are sick, I'll tell you to stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. When you cry I will call you a big baby and tell you to grow up and deal with it.
10. When you complain I'll tell you you're acting like a nag and tell you to shut up.
11. When you say something stupid I'll hit you over the head and walk the other way like I don't know you.
12. When you start babbling about stupid shit I'll start saying "blah blah blah" and change the subject.
13. When you call out of the blue to say hello I'll ask what is wrong with you and then hang up.
14. If you ask me to help you move I'll only carry the light things and if you complain I'll remind you that I'm not being paid.
15. If we drive anywhere together and you say anything about my driving I'll pull over and opend the side door and push you out.
This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask; because you are my "friend". Send this to ten of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of nine.
Remember: A good friend will help you move - - a really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel